Thursday evening: After Tommy was settled into his room and I had talked to the nurses, we went home. By this time it was really dark, ( I can’t see to drive at night, I’m blinded by on coming head lights). So I followed Tasha in her car, which really helped. Well about a mile from the hospital, my windshield was dirty, so I sprayed it and turned on the wipers. Well being my brain was not working well- my windshield is now a sheet of ice, while driving down the road. I had to roll down the drivers window to see to pull over. Tasha came back to see why I had pulled over, I told her- she said mom it’s 10 degrees. I just cried as I scraped ice off the windshield. The Lord then got us home safe and sound. Thank you Lord. After we got home I called some family with the update on Tommy and thankfully they passed it on to others. I was so very tired both mind and body. I prayed all night: Lord, will you please send us a better hospice or give ours now a heart to help Tommy. Friday: I awoke praying the same prayer. Tommy called a little after 8am saying the doctor had been there and he was ready to go home. I started getting ready to go get him; and dread, worry, fear started to cover me and I started shaking. It all came on so fast and that to scared me. Instead of letting my mind have it’s way – I started saying the 23rd Psalm out loud then said 2 Timothy 1:7 “My God did not give me the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” I kept repeating these two all the way to the hospital. It was a fight, and by the time I got to the hospital, I was calmed down and had peace. Thank you Lord.
I went in and talked to Tommy and then went to tell the nurses I was there. While I was packing up Tommy’s things, his room phone rung. I answered it. It was the hospices head RN, I told her I was going to call as soon as I got home. She said no need too, that they dropped/discarded Tommy’s case last night and we could not leave the hospital until we found another hospice to take up his care. I asked, Why? She said because I had took Tommy to an uncontracted hospital for treatment. I said he was having trouble breathing. She said, we are no longer his hospice and hung up.
I can honestly say, if I had not prayed all morning- I know I would have lost my mind with a nerves breakdown. Thank you Lord for preparing me. Now I’m in total shock!!
Tommy saw my face turn white as I was hanging up, and started to ask me, but I just held up my hand for him to give me a minute. I took a few deep breaths and tried so hard to pray but worry and fear came in again fast. So I told Tommy everything. Then started making phone calls asking for fast prayer, as I just could not seem to get the prayers out at that moment. Then I called our family doctor( they had set us up with the first hospice) and told them what happened(they had told me to take Tommy fast to an ER yesterday), She said she would look into it and get back to me. Honestly, now I’m shaking and wrapped tight in fear and worry and my mind is on overload. I asked to talk to the head nurse to see about talking to the hospitals social worker, she said she’d send her to the room. So I go back to the room to wait. Tommy says he wants a candy bar, so off I go to get him one. While on my way back to the room a small voice says, ”You asked for a new hospice, but I’ll do it My way.” I started crying and asking for forgiveness for my lack of faith and for worrying. And an overwhelming peace filled me. Thank you Lord. I walked into Tommy’s room crying and he asked why. I told him of my prayer last night and this morning and our answer coming. He cried too. We both thank the Lord and took a few deep breaths. We both had to fight hard to keep fear and worry away and hang on tight to His words for a few hours. We kept talking about all the prayers He has answered over the years. Then the call came from our family doctor, they found us a new hospice who would pick up Tommy’s case. And would be coming to the hospital as soon as our doctor signed and faxed them the paper work. Tommy and I gave thanks again to the Lord. They came and we signed papers.
Tommy and I left the hospital about 3 pm. The new hospice nurse was at our house at 5 pm. She was wonderful, and said they would get Tommy’s pain under control ASP. Tasha came home while she was still here. I had sent her out for a fast food dinner. I was totally worn out with no strength left to make dinner. Thank you Tasha for running into town for me.
The nurse called me an hour and a half later: She said that so far with the information she was plugging in, they would cover his cancer, but not sure yet if they could cover his COPD breathing meds, but no matter what I could keep the oxygen machine. With a peaceful heart, I told her ,“to do what she could do and the Lord would see to the rest. If it turns out we have to buy his COPD meds and inhalers that the Lord would provide them or a way to get them.” She said, “ she agreed as she to has seen the Lord answer prayers and knows He takes care of His own.” Tommy’s and my bodies are worn out , but our spirits are joyful and peaceful.
Thank you Lord for walking us through yet another day and for blessing us so. And answering prayers in Your way and in Your time. Thank you for forgiving us of our weak faith and trust.
Today looking back I now see: the Lord prepared me for bad news ( hospice letting us go), reminding me He is still answering my prayers in His way and His time, walking with us in what felt like our darkest hours, strengthening our faith and trust in Him, renewing our hope in hospice people. Thank you Lord. But in order for us to grow in him, and our faith and trust to grow: we must go through trials, fears, unknowns, lonely times to be able to see His hands and love in it all. That’s were faith and trust become stronger with each trial we look back on. When going through trials we do not always feel Him near us and helping us- But He NEVER leaves us- not even when we don’t feel him. Thank you Lord for carrying my family through another trial. And please help us to always remember this trial and the work you did in it when the next trial comes.
Saturday: Tommy had some pain last night but morphine stop it. The new hospice nurse was out this morning. She is going to be asking the new hospice doctor Monday morning for: morphine sulfate MSER 100 mg (she said if by second dose it’s not working they will up it); a new sleeping pill, a much stronger anti- inflammatory, and a few other things. What a great blessing not having to wait a week plus for something to work and go up on dose.
Tommy had corn beef hash and eggs to eat. Then watched some NetFlixs. And is now going out on the porch to get some vitamin D with it 70 it’s nice and warm for him.
I can’t thank you all enough for all your prayers, Thank you.
God Bless you all,