A deep breathe-some tears-a lot of Prayers

Well it’s been a long week. This is what’s been going on:

*Took my truck in, it was not acting right. Well I now need a new engine. The engine will last 2 days – or 6 months or maybe a year. Cost if they can find a used engine $1,800.00. Ok Lord, let’s watch and see what You do. I need to sell the tractor to pay for the engine.

*The man came and put a new glow bar in my gas stove. While he was testing it, the safety switch would not shut off. Now I’m not to use the stove at all until it’s fixed, this Tuesday or Wednesday. Cost $250.00 for safety switch, glow bar was $166. The Lord sent someone to buy a hand gun I have which will pay the the safety switch. Thank you Lord. Now I’ll have a new stove, which will cost more than a brand new one.

I am glad I have a grill and a two eye gas stove outside.

*Well I had the stove man check the washer and dishwasher while he was here, ( so I would not have to pay another service call fee). The washer needs the arms that hold the tub in place. And the dish washer needs a sprayer bar. But they are cheap and he’ll bring them out with the safety switch. Thank you Lord. I’m taking very deep breaths with a few tears.

*Then I go out to mow the grass, I have 2 push mowers. To start, the best one, I had to turn on it’s side to get a string that was around the blade. Well when I set it back up right there was oil on the ground. So this house wife went and got a quart of oil to refill it. Would you not do the same? Well it took the whole quart. I started it up and mowed for about 10 minutes and the thing started smoking really bad. So I shut it off and called a guy. Did you know a push mower is Not supports to have a whole quart of oil? I didn’t. So he tells me to drain it. I ask, How? He said there’s a plug, or tip it again to drain it out. Well I looked and looked, could not find a plug, so I tipped it again. I got the right amount of oil in it. And mowed for an hour, and it stopped working. Ok Lord thank you I have another mower. So I go get it going, and mow another hour when it dies. Ok Lord, this yard really needs mowing. So inside I go to rest and cry a bit. I go back out and try that mower again, it starts. Thank you Lord. I mow another hour and it stops yet again. Then it dawns on me, the mower stops when it’s hot.  Sure enough I go back out when it cools off and it starts. Thank you Lord. Then I have to turn it off to take a phone call. I go back out and I don’t have the strength now to pull the cord to start it. Ok Lord, no more mowing today. Will this mower or mowers start again today? I am praying hard they will.

*The closet that holds the hot water heater has a hole in the floor to the ground. The main bathroom floor has dropped 2 inches. The landlords just left and they said they’d fix it tomorrow. Thank you Lord. While they were here they treated all the ant hills in the yard. Thank you Lord. They said all their rentals were having the same problems with ants.

Things I learned:

*I have also learned I do not have enough hands to do all that needs doing. Yard is clean – house a mess or yard a mess and house clean. I have to find the middle ground somewhere. Please Lord.

*A push mower does not need a whole quart of oil. And you need  good arm muscles to keep starting them.

*The Lord always sends people to help you in His time.

*Prayer is so much better than worrying. Worrying never fix a thing, while prayer fixes everything.

*Tears are good, they clean your eyes and heart.

*There is always something good to be found in the bad things that happen. In ALL things give thanks. I forgot to do this with the mowers and stove. And the Lord will still work everything out for my good.

Thank you Lord for Your mercy and grace.

Well let’s see what happens today on the farm.

Have a great day and God bless you all.

Becky

My new life’s journey

Well I can say I off to a rough start, but I am kicking hard. And by God’s grace we will make it.

Well for starters, the day Tommy went home, my truck broke- timing chain and water pump. So I got these fixed. But today the truck started spraying oil. Ok, Now I really want/need a horse and buggy.  But wait there is more. The Social Security Office said Friday that I would not get any widow benefits until May(a whole month and the first on the month is this week.) I am a little rattled to say the least. But then this morning I went to the food bank, and saw a family getting paper goods(plastic bowls, and silverware) so they could feed their kids as their power was turned off last week.  My heart broke, here I was getting upset because of money and my truck, when I do have so so much to be thankful for. And the lady that runs the food bank talk to me a while. Thank you Lord for her. I had had my eyes on myself and not others and God. So I got a spanking from God today. She asked about this blog, and I told I had not been here in a while. She said people needed it.  So I am back and now you all will see me start this new journey, my new life. Let me tell you it’s scary at times, as I do not do change will.  But I am holding tight to God’s hand as he walks me through each moment and each day. I am very thankful for my food storage. And everything I learned to make it through the hard times.

 

Thank you all for your prayers and comments here, they are such a blessing to me and the girls. Thank you again.

 

Ok, now I am trying to sell the small truck and the beef bull. Rent, power, phone bills have to be paid this week. So if you all we say a little prayer that someone would buy these. I was going to put the bull in the freezer, but we still have 1 1/2 cows meat in freezer and there is now only 3 of us. So that is a year plus in meat.

 

Some of you have asked questions that I have not gotten to, but I will this week, ok. 

Thank you all for reading my blog and may God bless you all.

Until in the morning,

Becky

I have really missed you all

I have not had much time lately. Tommy is getting weaker everyday. His time to go home is nearing. I am not ready for him to go but I know when he does he will no longer be in pain.  And I have been trying to plan what TommieLynn and I will do in the future. And that’s really hard. I have been really tried in body, mind and soul. Only by God’s grace do I get through the days and nights. Please pray that God will show me what to do?

Hopefully I can get back on here soon. I really miss you all. Hope you all are doing good. I think of you all daily.

Becky

An update on Tommy–The Lord does it again

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 05, 2009 09:30 PM, EST THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 05, 2009 09:30 PM, EST

Tommy is in the hospital tonight and should be home tomorrow. I had to call 911 at about 11am to come and get him. He was having a hard time breathing, his skin was more yellow, and his pulse keep going higher. The doctor in ER said that Tommy’s blood ememzines (?Spell) were very low and his hemoglobin (?spell)was really low, which was making it hard for him to breath and making him feel like he was smothering. Tommy’s blood was not carrying oxygen like it was supports too. The doctor believes the cancer has gotten into the bone marrow and is eating the red cells. They are giving Tommy 2 pints of red blood cells tonight, which will help him feel better and breath easier. This is only a kind of quick fix and will only last a few weeks at most. Kind of like giving him morphine for pain. Tommy can chose to get more blood but we have no insurance and this time we with in through the ER. The ER doctor said that the 2 pints of red blood cells were very expensive. I don’t know what to do next? But tonight he is getting them. The rest is in the Lord’s hands. Tommy was looking a little better when I left, but very tired. He was not as pale looking. Please keep praying for us. And thank you all for your prayers. Becky FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 06, 2009 09:15 AM, CST mom called from hospital this morning dads hospice dropped his case last night we need hard fast pray now for a new hospice to pick up tommy please pray hard tasha SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 07, 2009 04:11 PM, EST Thursday evening: After Tommy was settled into his room and I had talked to the nurses, we went home. By this time it was really dark, ( I can’t see to drive at night, I’m blinded by on coming head lights). So I followed Tasha in her car, which really helped. Well about a mile from the hospital, my windshield was dirty, so I sprayed it and turned on the wipers. Well being my brain was not working well- my windshield is now a sheet of ice, while driving down the road. I had to roll down the drivers window to see to pull over. Tasha came back to see why I had pulled over, I told her- she said mom it’s 10 degrees. I just cried as I scraped ice off the windshield. The Lord then got us home safe and sound. Thank you Lord. After we got home I called some family with the update on Tommy and thankfully they passed it on to others. I was so very tired both mind and body. I prayed all night: Lord, will you please send us a better hospice or give ours now a heart to help Tommy. Friday: I awoke praying the same prayer. Tommy called a little after 8am saying the doctor had been there and he was ready to go home. I started getting ready to go get him; and dread, worry, fear started to cover me and I started shaking. It all came on so fast and that to scared me. Instead of letting my mind have it’s way – I started saying the 23rd Psalm out loud then said 2 Timothy 1:7 “My God did not give me the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” I kept repeating these two all the way to the hospital. It was a fight, and by the time I got to the hospital, I was calmed down and had peace. Thank you Lord. I went in and talked to Tommy and then went to tell the nurses I was there. While I was packing up Tommy’s things, his room phone rung. I answered it. It was the hospices head RN, I told her I was going to call as soon as I got home. She said no need too, that they dropped/discarded Tommy’s case last night and we could not leave the hospital until we found another hospice to take up his care. I asked, Why? She said because I had took Tommy to an uncontracted hospital for treatment. I said he was having trouble breathing. She said, we are no longer his hospice and hung up. I can honestly say, if I had not prayed all morning- I know I would have lost my mind with a nerves breakdown. Thank you Lord for preparing me. Now I’m in total shock!! Tommy saw my face turn white as I was hanging up, and started to ask me, but I just held up my hand for him to give me a minute. I took a few deep breaths and tried so hard to pray but worry and fear came in again fast. So I told Tommy everything. Then started making phone calls asking for fast prayer, as I just could not seem to get the prayers out at that moment. Then I called our family doctor( they had set us up with the first hospice) and told them what happened(they had told me to take Tommy fast to an ER yesterday), She said she would look into it and get back to me. Honestly, now I’m shaking and wrapped tight in fear and worry and my mind is on overload. I asked to talk to the head nurse to see about talking to the hospitals social worker, she said she’d send her to the room. So I go back to the room to wait. Tommy says he wants a candy bar, so off I go to get him one. While on my way back to the room a small voice says, ”You asked for a new hospice, but I’ll do it My way.” I started crying and asking for forgiveness for my lack of faith and for worrying. And an overwhelming peace filled me. Thank you Lord. I walked into Tommy’s room crying and he asked why. I told him of my prayer last night and this morning and our answer coming. He cried too. We both thank the Lord and took a few deep breaths. We both had to fight hard to keep fear and worry away and hang on tight to His words for a few hours. We kept talking about all the prayers He has answered over the years. Then the call came from our family doctor, they found us a new hospice who would pick up Tommy’s case. And would be coming to the hospital as soon as our doctor signed and faxed them the paper work. Tommy and I gave thanks again to the Lord. They came and we signed papers. Tommy and I left the hospital about 3 pm. The new hospice nurse was at our house at 5 pm. She was wonderful, and said they would get Tommy’s pain under control ASP. Tasha came home while she was still here. I had sent her out for a fast food dinner. I was totally worn out with no strength left to make dinner. Thank you Tasha for running into town for me. The nurse called me an hour and a half later: She said that so far with the information she was plugging in, they would cover his cancer, but not sure yet if they could cover his COPD breathing meds, but no matter what I could keep the oxygen machine. With a peaceful heart, I told her ,“to do what she could do and the Lord would see to the rest. If it turns out we have to buy his COPD meds and inhalers that the Lord would provide them or a way to get them.” She said, “ she agreed as she to has seen the Lord answer prayers and knows He takes care of His own.” Tommy’s and my bodies are worn out , but our spirits are joyful and peaceful. Thank you Lord for walking us through yet another day and for blessing us so. And answering prayers in Your way and in Your time. Thank you for forgiving us of our weak faith and trust. Today looking back I now see: the Lord prepared me for bad news ( hospice letting us go), reminding me He is still answering my prayers in His way and His time, walking with us in what felt like our darkest hours, strengthening our faith and trust in Him, renewing our hope in hospice people. Thank you Lord. But in order for us to grow in him, and our faith and trust to grow: we must go through trials, fears, unknowns, lonely times to be able to see His hands and love in it all. That’s were faith and trust become stronger with each trial we look back on. When going through trials we do not always feel Him near us and helping us- But He NEVER leaves us- not even when we don’t feel him. Thank you Lord for carrying my family through another trial. And please help us to always remember this trial and the work you did in it when the next trial comes. Saturday: Tommy had some pain last night but morphine stop it. The new hospice nurse was out this morning. She is going to be asking the new hospice doctor Monday morning for: morphine sulfate MSER 100 mg (she said if by second dose it’s not working they will up it); a new sleeping pill, a much stronger anti- inflammatory, and a few other things. What a great blessing not having to wait a week plus for something to work and go up on dose. Tommy had corn beef hash and eggs to eat. Then watched some NetFlixs. And is now going out on the porch to get some vitamin D with it 70 it’s nice and warm for him. I can’t thank you all enough for all your prayers, Thank you. God Bless you all, Becky

What’s going on here? 11/17/08

Here it was 28 this morning with frost. It’s been chilly here lately. I guess winter is here. I have make my first pair of baby socks, they are so little and cute. And I just started Tommielynn’s socks. Tommielynn is still trying to fight off a cold/sinus. She’s doing pretty good. She has made a new friend up the road, and has been spending some time up there with her. Which I think is great, as it gets her out of the house for a while. Someone has to be here with Tommy at all times (due to having to take pills around the clock and him being weak), which means when I have to run to town get his meds, etc: Tommielynn has to stay here with Tommy. She does not get out as much as before. Tasha tries to get her out of the house as much as she can, too. Thank you Lord for sending her a new friend.

Tommy has been sleeping a lot lately. But his pain is better and he’s not getting sick any more, but has had nausea. He says he’s really tired and weak and tired of both. He has been eating a lot of apples and oranges as he says they taste so good. At this point, I’ll give him anything he wants to eat. He does eat a little dinner but not much.

I have been taking naps and rest when I can. Sorry to say, I only do what has to been done in the house and on the farm. My house is a mess. But trying to do it all was not working well. So now I do what I can, and the rest is on hold until I get time. So when you come over just don’t look around to much. When Tommy’s up, I do nothing but spend time with him. I still have not gotten the bunk bed set put together or the sewing room done and ready for my daughter and company.

So those of you out there trying to be a super mom/wife, you had better slow down, and enjoy life more, one day at a time. Because the days and time pass to fast. I have learned this lesson the hard way. I can’t do it all.( boy, is that hard to say) I do what I can, and leave the rest to the Lord. Spotless house or time with my family and rest for me??? I guess I’m as hard headed as Tommy. (don’t tell him I said that or I’ll never hear the end of it.)

Thank you Melaine and girls for the wonderful dinner brought last night, and the smile you put of Tommy’s face with your hugs and smiles. And thank you for your prayers. Melaine told Tommy that her children pray nightly for him, hearing that really blessed us. Melaine, thank you very much for your friendship. I pray that God would bless your family to overflowing and fill you all with His peace.

Thank you all who have signed the guestbook at Caring Bridge Site for Tommy, as your comments have blessed Tommy and myself. Knowing so many of you really care and are praying for us is a wonderful blessing to us. Thank you for taking the time to pray for us and leave your comments saying so. May God bless you all to overflowing.

Very humbled and blessed,

Becky

 

 

I need someone to stand in the gap

I need someone to stand in the gap of prayer for Tommy and I. Tommy had a really bad night last night, and I’m worn out body, mind, and soul. All I can seem to pray is “Lord, I believe, please help my unbelief”. I need strength and wisdom today. Tommy needs to be eased from his pain and rest. Please pray for us.

Thank you,

Becky

Thank you for recipes and prayers

Thank you all for the recipes. Yes, I do have a crock pot. I have printed off the recipes you left and Tommielynn is getting to pick out which one’s she wants for dinner, which she loves. They all sound so good. Thank you again.

Yesterday and last night were bad for Tommy. I updated Caring Bridge last night and will update it nightly now. Tommielynn finally accepted the fact that her dad is dying. She broke down last night. We have told her everything, every step of the way. Please say a prayer for her.

Thank you all for your prayers as they get us from day to day. And all your wonderful comments really touch my heart. To know some many people care and are praying for us is a wonderful feeling. Thank you all again. May God bless you all to overflowing.

Very thankful and humbled,

Becky

 

My time here

It has been a rough few weeks here. Tommy has not been doing good. Hospice is now coming out twice a week. Please keep praying for him. And thank you for all the prayers that are going up now.

Ok, as for my time here writing post. I really enjoy all of you and writing posts. But I need to send as much time with Tommy as I can, taking care of him, etc. I will still be writing posts but I’m not sure now often. I will be checking in here as often as I can to answer your questions and writing posts. But now, it might take me a few days to do that. If you have not heard from me in a while, you can check here: Updates on Tommy’s Health. This is were I keep everyone up to date on Tommy’s health. I will post there more than here. As we have family and friends all over the USA and Canada. I hope you all will understand.

 

Wednesday, I made two batch of homemade ice cream for Tommy. It’s one of the few things he can keep down. And Tommielynn loves it too.

A friend, Beth, brought us two dinners yesterday. Oh what a great blessing. By dinner time I’m worn out. Poor Tommielynn has had cereal or bag noodles a few times these past few weeks. She was so thankful for the dinners, and Beth became her best friend when one of those dinners was chicken.

I have been (when Tommy is sleeping) redoing the sewing room. I have too rearrange it. So as to get the bunk bed set put in there. There is a twin top and a full bottom. Shawn, my son, is supports to come by soon and help me put it together. We will being having family and friends coming in, who need a place to sleep. With this set more people can stay here.

With the donations given here, we have been able to get the heater tanks refilled, and more. They have been such a wonderful blessing. Thank you again to all who gave; and those that could not give, thank you for your prayers. With out your prayers I/we would never make it through all of this. But with your prayers and by God’s grace, we are making it, one day at a time.

With this blog, God has brought such wonderful people into our lives, oh what a great blessing. And here I thought I was writing to help others, when really you all were/are helping me. Thank you.

God Bless you all,

Becky

I’m still here

I need a few more days, then I’ll start posting again. Tommy has had a really bad week. Hospice upped his pain med’s and we have not found the right dose yet. So he has been in a lot of pain. I have had to keep calling doctors and the Hospice RN, giving them updates and trying new things.  Please keep praying for him.

This morning we were blessed with much needed rain.

Thank you for your prayers.

I’ll be back soon, I have really missed you all.

Becky

 

 

Technorati Tags: prayers,Tommy

God and i

Last week was a bad week. Tommy’s health was not good. I really had a hard time just making it from hour to hour. But I made it, and Tommy is doing better. A friend called this past Saturday and said that the Lord had laid me on her heart all week and that she sent prayers up for me. I just started crying. I told her about the week and that I know I made it because of her prayers. I felt alone last week, but God had some one filling in the gap. God was there watching out for me.

Then for the last two weeks or so, everyone including my hubby, keep saying how strong I was. Well I felt anything but strong, and honestly I have never felt so weak. I want to be truthful with everyone and no pretending.  I started praying, “Lord, why are they saying these things when they are not true.  Lord, I am no where near strong, I am at my weakest times. “  I keep praying about this, as it really troubled me.

Well the Lord answered loud and clear this morning while I was milking. And all I could do was cry and thank Him.

Here is what he brought to my mind, loud and clear:

“And  he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strenght is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” 2 Cor. 12: 9 – 10

What an eye opener. They are not seeing my strenght but God’s. For when I am weak, then am I strong.

 

I posted this for a few reasons.

1. When the Lord lays someone on your heart to pray for, please do it, and let that person know. It makes a big difference when you know someone is praying for you, and God is calling someone in to fill in the gaps.
2. I want others to see how God works, and that He never leaves His children.
3. Someone out there some where needs to read this. Is it you? He is sending it to you too.
4. And so I will never forget: For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God loves each one of you.

Becky 

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